Her birth name is Jaymee, and she came into being on August 17, 1988. Born to a doting but doddering couple, she spent her childhood gathering wildflowers on the countryside until her parents left her under the care of a pack of HIV-positive chimpanzees following their untimely demise by freak whisk accident. She overcame the abject poverty by singing show tunes on street corners, but her eleven chimp brethren grew increasingly jealous of her fame and wealth and left her in the desert, taking her amazing technicolor dreamcoat as proof of her death. Forced into child slavery and prostitution at the tender onset of adolexcence, she despised herself until she found merciful refuge in writing. This discovery liberated both soul and body, for she would read her newest compositions aloud to her clients, who would promptly fall asleep. Thus, she was free to pursue her lifelong dream of a threesome with Monica Lewinxky and William Shatner.
